Talker 96’s Page of Awesome

The more I write…………The more you read………..The cooler you shall get……….

Talker 96

This is my site.

I am Talker 96.

You are here.

Awesome.

Steven Segal is a Ninja….

I will admit, Steven Segal has always been a sort of guilty pleasure for me.

His films, while not works of art by any means, have always been entertaining and fun in my view. Most of my friends have always said they didn’t like his films because Segal never seemed to really do anything. He never breaks a sweat, never kicks and most definitely, never runs, so my friends would tell me that they thought he was fake(or gay, that’s always a big one from my guy friends)

Even my girl rolls her eyes at me and calls me stupid when ever I try to defend my liking of Segal cinema.

I know that time has not been kind on the man, but is it for anyone? His skinny frame has over the years become more round and doughy, so it’s easy to poke fun when you see him take on ten guys in a fight and not even break a sweat. I understand your laughter.

But I’ve never agreed.

I once read an article in Entertainment Weekly where they put all the action stars that were famous at the time up in a side by side comparison. The magazine showed  how realistic there on-screen persona’s were to their real life ones and then pitted them all in imaginary fights, showcasing the supposed martial arts or fighting techniques the star supposedly had to decide the winner.

Jean-Claude Van Damme, Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, even Jackie Chan , no action stone was left unturned in this thorough and extremely accurate scientific study(which I’m sure was done by the scientists at M.I.T, I would expect no less from Entertainment Weekly).

And when the dust settled on the imaginary fighting plain, the last man standing was none other than Mr. No Smile himself, Steven Segal.

It was shown that he is the real deal. Covert Ops in the military, C.I.A. recruited after that where he spent time as a spy, master of the highest level in the art of aikido, the man did it all. They even told why he never breaks a sweat in his films when he fights and how he can still beat every guy in the room.

Aikido is a defensive style of fighting. It teaches you to stand there and block all the punches the other guy is throwing at you, ultimately wearing the guy down to a point where he has no more energy and making it easier to take him down with nothing more than a slap to the face and a stern look(which is all Segal ever does).

After I read the article I looked at Segal with a little more respect and actually began to like his films.

Then tonight I’m watching A&E and I see a show called “Steven Segal: Lawman”, which is a Cops like show that follows Segal while on duty as a deputy sheriff in Louisiana, where he’s worked for the LAST 20 YEARS!!!

What the fuck? Why has there never been anything written about this fact in any of the entertainment mags or blogs? Remember, 20 years ago he was still a big star. His last big screen film was less than 10 years ago when he did “Exit Wounds”, which was successful at the box office. Yet I’ve heard nothing about how he works part-time out of the year as a sheriff and then during his time off, he goes and films, something like three or four direct to DVD movies in Romania or Japan.

It’s fucking fascinating if you really think about it……

The man’s a God-Damned Ninja.

Almost….

I had to switch my website domain hosting last night from mydomain.com to the much better and user friendly bluehost.com.

Mydomain.com was a complete waste of time. I sent in a customer service request for help two weeks ago and they responded with an email saying that they would be getting back to me the very next day. Cut to present day and still no response, so I said screw it and switched to bluehost.

Already I can see a that I should have been with this new hosting service all along and I feel like a complete jack-ass for wasting my time with mydomain.com.

So that being said……

Three days till the first site is up. I’ll post on here as soon as it’s ready on account of all the people that are hanging around here waiting on my every move.

I am going to ask again if any of you guys have any suggestions for what you would like to see in a website. I have been getting some pretty good emails from you guys since I asked that last time so keep it up.

Patience kiddies.

Who knew?

Who knew that creating your own website was so much work?

I certainly didn’t.

But it’s cool, my site is on track an should hopefully be ready by sometime this week. Talker96.com will be mostly like this one only with more nudity(not really). Talker96.org will be….I have know idea yet, I’m still trying to decide. If you have any suggestions I’m open to hear them. Tellme what you think I should put on the site and maybe I will.

And then there is one more, Talker96.tv……which will be my knew video site. Kinda cool huh? I’m gonna have my own channel.

Plus I’ll have about 500 other subdomains at my disposal. Stuff like touch.talker96.com and stupidcatpics.talker96.org……Ok, I made the cat pic one up but you get the idea. It’s gonna be talker96 all the time for all the people.

Are you not just the most excited people on Earth?

Just in time for Christmas/

You’re welcome.

Child Protective Services called to investigate Mother Nature

Child protective services are said to be investigating Mother Nature following child endangerment claims made by an anonymous caller.

Cynthia Gilbert, the C.P.S. officer that is investigating the claim told reporters that the accusations are of an interest because this is not the first time Mother Nature has been reported on. Over the years she has been a constant trouble for both scientists and police officers alike.

Responsible for numerous droughts, hurricanes, and tidal waves, she has been called moody and arrogant by most in the scientific community. Also, she’s still on probation for leaving the scene of an accident when she hit Jane Doodsons Prius last St. Patrick’s Day. It was discovered that she had a blood alcohol level nearly twice the legal limit for the state of California when the accident occurred and received two years probation following a brief stint at the Malibu rehab Promises.

More as news comes in.

12 year old girl says she’s not excited about new Twilight movie, quickly called Dyke by rest of school

Twelve year old Harby Junior High student Amanda High wants you to know something, she didn’t care to see Miley Sirus in concert, doesn’t watch ICarly! on Nickelodeon or listen to the Jonas Brothers and she most definitely is not the least bit excited to see the Twilight New Moon movie.

“It just doesn’t interest me.” Amanda told us by phone, “I mean sure, I saw the first one but all it amounted to was two hours of people staring at stuff and trying to look sexy or brooding while doing it. Staring at each other,staring off into the distance and then more staring at each other again, it just got old after about twenty minutes into it. Plus, I just don’t think that the lead guy is even cute, not even in a dark and mysterious way. He’s actually kinda wierd looking if you really think about it. So no, I did not like Twilight, sue me.”

But her friends were quick to judge upon hearing of her distaste for Twilight, calling her things like Lesbian, Dyke and Lesbo Dyke. Amanda takes it all in stride though adding, “The names don’t really bother me, they are rather lazy in terms of what they could have called me so I don’t really care. I do support gay marriage though, but that really has nothing to do with what we are talking about so, yeah, Twilight sucks.”

Harsh words

The words came alive last night…..

Seriously.

These words, or maybe words like them…they came alive….and…

and they killed a man.

Don’t ask me how because I have no clue….I just know they did.

My words.

My words that I wrote somehow killed another human being.

I mean, I guess it’s somewhat feasible to believe. If everything is reality, like me, you, air or even a book…..if it’s all reality……think solid mass, then it could…I guess…..

be.

Wait, my words in thought are still my own, but once spoken they become yours as well.  See, because you heard them….they are now in you, apart of you.

Now, take my words and write them. Now they become physical…..proof of their existence.

We don’t know everything in science, and most is just theory….

ink is ink and type is type, but they are there. When you see them, these words, they become their own entity…..alive….breathing, or some form of it. Maybe they don’t need to breathe, like I said we don’t know everything.

But if they could somehow become alive, then they would want to stay that way…..and like you and I, would fight to keep living.

Last night….my words killed a man.

Wrong?

Is it wrong that I want to kick every kids ass that I see on MTV Teen Cribs?

Ants learn basic catapult design

Scientists are shocked and amazed at the recent findings coming out of The University of Texas today that claim fire ants have learned how to design and build small medieval like catapults.

The report, titled “Ants design catapults! How this happened and why we’re Fucked!” claims that in at least four fire ant colonies that popped up around a recent Renaissance Fair, scientists observed tiny wooden catapults being constructed in a joint effort between the colonies. They were then used to defeat a colony of black ants that had set up a nest close to the only water source in the area. After the battle which lasted only a few minutes, scientists state that the fire ants seemed to almost have what can only be described as a celebration similar to how maybe the Romans would have celebrated, with a massive orgy in which the now slave black ants were beaten and raped. It was a sight that left one scientist feeling “sick and ashamed to have witnessed.”

Many scientists have come forth and expressed their concerns that this could ultimately cause trouble for the human race if the ants unify and decide to turn against us but no plans are motion as to stop the Texas ants, instead they will simply be studied and put on watch.