Talker 96’s Page of Awesome

The more I write…………The more you read………..The cooler you shall get……….

Talker 96

This is my site.

I am Talker 96.

You are here.

Awesome.

Man says “So You Think You Can Dance” needs more Electric Slide

For Bismark, North Dakota resident Dan Heath, dancing is more than just a passion, it’s a lifestyle. So it comes as no surprise that he is a watcher of Fox Televisions “So you think you can dance”. But he has one complaint, one that he feels so passionately about that he started an online campaign for the show to fix…

He thinks they should have the contestants do the Electric Slide.

“Some of my fondest memories are of me doing the Electric Slide at the Hurricane Bay Club here in Bismark.” Dan told us by phone last Tuesday, “If they had the contestants do the Slide then they would truly know what dancing feels like and the freedom it represents. I started Soyouthinkyoucanslide.wordpress.com for the sole reason of giving the slide the recognition it so deserves. It should be up there with the Fox Trot and Krumping simply because the Slide is a dance of skill and pure talent and the public should recognize this.”

As of this posting, he has four signitures. Dan is also thinking of dedicating a site to the history of the Rodger Rabbit, which according to him is a dance of passion not unlike the Lambada.

Talker96

Too many ideas, too little time

Have you ever had a project that you know is a genius idea, you know is going to be successful when finished and you know the basic way you want it done, but you have no clue as how to start it? Doesn’t it seem so overwhelming in the fact that you can’t just focus on the basic principal of the idea so it spirals out of control and just gets larger and larger until your starter idea has blossomed into something that is just to big for one man or woman to handle?

I have about seven ideas like this.

The crazy thing is, I believe that they are all worthwhile and guarenteed in sucess that I don’t know which one to start.

Two seperate book ideas, one of which will have sub-catagory books sold seperatly.

Three inventions that have been completely researched and checked for patents and would be successful each in their own way.

Two screenplays(actually quite a few more, but everyone writes screenplays) that would be relativly easy sells but I hate writing screeplays.

I also have some great ideas for new websites. And no, they are not porn…..

So where do I begin…….

Shit…..

Poetry is not very fun to read…..Until I make it Awesome

I’ve updated my poetry page up there in the page section(I have to spell it out for some people, I can hear them now, “where’s the page section Talker? Huh, where’s the page section? Riddle me that…)

So here’s a badly done sample…..

At times Bright and Amusing

At times Brittle and Superficial

Other times Deep and Confusing

And always a little bit mental

These are the words to describe myself

This is how I state my being

And on the Bookcase of Life, I’m on the Top shelf

For I give the Bookcase its meaning

Love

Love is such a disgusting word, is it not?

It is most definitely the most over used word in the English language. If it’s not, then I challenge you to tell me one that is more devalued in meaning, irrationally spoken or used in more hesitant lies throughout history other than the word love.

I love your car.

Man, I love the Beatles.

I just know that she would love this shirt.

Yes, I’d love it if you’d wash the dishes.

I love that strange patch of hair growing on your thigh, it makes you who you are baby.

My love of cheese and cheese products are what keep me fat.

I love what you did with the place, I especially love those drapes.

Oh my god, I fucking love this song.

I love you

I love you too

How are we supposed to believe it when someone tells us they love us when we are programed throughout our lives that love is a meaningless word used for absolutely nothing involving things that do not matter?

So what is love? I used to think that love was just what it was supposed to be: A grand feeling of want and knowing that you are being wanted in return…..

I’m not so sure anymore.

I’m in love, been in love and have been told I am loved, but is it true?

Maybe love is exactly like we say it to be, a descriptive adjective that only describes a mild feeling of like.

If that’s what it is then I don’t want love…….

I’d rather be really well liked.

Back

Okay, Okay………I’m back already.

You people act like it’s the end of the world if I’m gone for more than a freakin minute…..jeez.

So I dropped the agency that was representing me. No writing work and no writing play makes Talker96 a dull boy. I just got tired of all the technical crap my agent was sending my way, I’m a non-fiction humor writer who dabbles in fictional horror, sci-fi and comedy screenplays. I am not, nor will ever be a writer of any Lifetime network, feel good, hate men, eat some ice cream in PJ’s then go to bed, shit.

Lifetime: Television for women, also known as where anybody associated with anything media related…….. goes to die.

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Atheists are the new Gay

I was passing a car today that had a bumper sticker that read,”Libertarian and Atheist”, and it got me thinking, atheists are the new gays of our time.

Let me explain, if you remember, it was not that long ago when being gay meant that you had to flaunt it in front of everyone. You had to make out with someone of the same sex for shock value and to simply make a political statement that would piss off your christian parents. If you were gay and in high school, you were kicked out and then your “we love our gay son or daughter” parents would stand behind you in support of your gayistic lifestyle.

No more. Gone are the days of shock and awe when you yelled “We’re here and Queer”, because, well, everyone got used to it. (which is why it actually is a surprise that people still oppose gay marriage, if anything, we should give it to them just so Rosie O’Donnell will shut up) So being gay really isn’t that big a deal anymore, and anyone that can not see that it is genetic and not just a choice really should think back to when they were in third grade and there was that one kid that was a little bit more girly than all the others. You remember, he was seven years old and he just seemed…..well…..gay. If that was not genetic, then I don’t know what is. I mean, he’s seven years old and you can just tell he’s going to be gay, he can not change this fact and he doesn’t even have a clue yet because, like I said, he’s freakin seven years old!

So now that the fact that you’re gay is no longer the shocking rebellious thing, we turn to atheism. That’s sure a rebel with, most definitely, out a cause to be in this day and age. To claim that there is no god and to throw it in your face is it’s own religion in it’s own regard. Atheists preach that they want to be left alone and without your religion, but they do this by throwing their belief of “what god? I don’t see no God…..I believe in trees and the Earth, and everything is just a random act of science. There is no God…Bwah, ha ha.” back on you like that fruit cake that just keeps coming back every Christmas, unlike Jesus, who the atheists like to remind, has yet to come back.

So I am not an atheist, nor am I a religious person, I’m in the middle, agnostic, so I’m neutral. But I can see who the rightous one is in all this…… me.

China announces, “no more Chinese food”

China announced today that it will no longer be making Chinese food after discovering that most, if not all, of the countries billion and a half citizens are more than a little sick of eating it night after night.

Chinese President, Hu Jintao, had this to say during his daily  high definition television announcment(since China has already converted to hi-def t.v’s, the ones that failed to get converters had to listen on the radio), “Recently we held our annual Best of China, Worst of China contest so as to better understand the ways, needs and wants of your average People’s Republic Worker in the modern age, and while we mostly got some pretty positive feedback on how we’ve handled things these past few years, especially the Olympics, man oh man, you guys sure did love the Olympics didn’t you? Anyways, like I said, most positive stuff but of course we do this poll, not for the good, but because we care to know what you think we are doing wrong so that we can fix it and make you all happy,  because that’s what it’s all about, you guys and galls  of China. Now, thankfully there wern’t that many complaints, a few of you numbskulls in Hong kong joked that we should give the city back to England, but we knew you were only kidding, so it’s cool. But the main thing we got from yall was about how you’re sick of eating bad Chinese takeout every night and wished that there was something more than rice, sauce, noodles and dog, chicken or cat to fry up for dinner.

Now, I’ll admit, at first we all just kind of laughed at these requests, saying to ourselves, “We’re freakin Chinese people living in China! Anything we eat here is Chinese food. But, after really thinking about it, you’re right, we have nothing more than Chinese food here. Don’t belive me? Go to McDonalds in Bejing and they have noodles, rice and sauce on a seaseme seed bun, it’s called a China Mac. It’s pathetic. We should Have more, when the Americans go to olive Garden, they say they had Italian, not American. We don’t even have the option of this because there’s not even a Olive Garden anywhere near China! Trust me I looked it up!

So We have decided to listen, and we are, as of this moment, making it illegal to make or eat anything closely resembling Chinese food for at least the next six months.

So you’re voice was heard fellow workers, you should be proud. You’re Welcome.”

President Obama explains what he really meant when he talked about change

President Obama, during an interview on Good Morning America this morning, took the time to explain what he really meant when he talked about change.

“Well, that was all a big misunderstanding, see, what the people don’t understand is that I’m an avid coin collector, so much so that I have on me right now one of the very first pennies ever printed in the U.S. (he pulls out his wallet, digs around in it a moment and shows avery faded brown circular thingy wrapped in plastic to the camera) So you need to understand, when I was asking for change I was literally asking for change. Dollar coins, plated Washington dimes, Buffalo nickles, half dollars……any and all types of coin like currency, I will collect it if you’ll give it up. And when people heard me say Hope and Change, they misunderstood me, because when I get excited I speak fast, so the people heard Hope and Change but I was really saying I hope for your change, just really fast. (the reporter and Obama have a good laugh for a moment then move to another topic)

Glad that’s cleared up.